Not all illegal abortions took place in dark back alleys prior to Roe v Wade. Legalization of abortion did not make it safer and certainly did not make it rare. All the Roe v Wade decision did was embolden the abortionist in their endeavors to become god.
At the time of my abortion I had never heard of Margaret Sanger or Planned Parenthood. I was absolutely ignorant of the bold, deliberate, and targeted evil of abortion. Until recent years, I did not know that I was part of the population that the Roe vs Wade decision was meant for. You know--- that part of the population that the eugenicists did not want too many of. I was one of the dark haired hill folk that Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood thought of as “human weeds”. By the time President Lyndon Johnson made his famous visit to my home State of Kentucky to declare war on poverty, I was already married and the mother of a beautiful little red-headed baby girl. I was only eighteen, and I would have been a senior in high school that year, except I dropped out of school after my junior year to get married. My husband had joined the military that previous summer in order to support me and our future child. Planned Parenthood wasn’t in full control of our government and schools in those days, so we weren’t offered the free benefit of correcting our error in judgment by destroying the life of our unborn child. We did the responsible thing. We got married. As a result, God turned the mistake of two imperfect young people into the most beautiful mistake of my life. Today that mistake is a beautiful, loving, and responsible adult making wonderful contributions to our society. She celebrated another year of life on January 15, 2011.
I am so proud to tell you that she and her sister are the pride of my life. I have been blessed with unspeakable joy from their lives and I thank God everyday that abortion was not an option for me in the sixties because I might have been persuaded to give in to my fears. In my desperation I might have denied my daughter her right to life and myself one God’s greatest gifts.
In the summer of 1967, I miscarried with my second pregnancy. Prior to that pregnancy I had taken birth control pills for approximately three years. I was told by the doctor that I might have difficulty conceiving because I had been taking birth control pills for so long. He was wrong! I became pregnant the very next month after stopping the pills, but I lost my baby within the first six weeks of conception. I felt guilty, and questioned the doctor about what I might have done that caused the miscarriage. He compassionately explained to me that it was just nature’s way of eliminating “something” that was imperfect. I never considered the fact that there was human interference with nature that might have caused the loss of my baby. The question of when life began was not something I had any reason to consider at that time.
By January of 1968, I was pregnant again. After a very difficult delivery, I was blessed with my second child on September 16, 1968. I was ecstatic when the nurse placed another beautiful, healthy, baby girl into my arms.
After her birth the doctor recommended that I use a new method of birth control. He warned of the dangers of using birth control pills over a long period of time and suggested that I try an intrauterine device (IUD). The doctor may have informed me of how this was supposed to work, but if he did, I don’t remember it. I consented to using an IUD without really understanding that it was an abortifacient.
That doesn’t present any kind of a moral dilemma if you consider the unborn child a "thing", only a blob of tissue or cluster of cells. I naively trusted everything a doctor told me in those days and I didn’t know enough about the development of the unborn child or abortion to even know what questions to ask.
In the spring of 1971 a government doctor made the supreme decision that would be the beginning of the end of my innocence, and would cause me to question the validity of everything I had ever believed. My life was forever changed when this doctor knowingly and arrogantly overstepped the boundaries of his authority by performing a “simple” medical procedure called abortion, without asking for or receiving my consent.
There was no discussion or explanation of what was happening. The only explanation I received was “it had to be done.” During what I thought was going to be nothing more than a routine pelvic examination this doctor removed my IUD. He was well aware that I was pregnant, and that I had already made the decision not to have the IUD removed after being informed by a previous doctor that removing it would guarantee an abortion.
Without giving me anything for pain this doctor literally ripped my unborn children from my womb. They were brutally plucked from my womb with no more regard than a gardener plucks weeds from his garden and tosses them aside. A scientist shows more concern for his laboratory rats than this man did for my health care or the life of my unborn children.
Within 20 minutes or less of leaving his office I began to hemorrhage and in a public restroom I passed two large clots of blood, the size of my fist. My babies might have survived a dislodged IUD, but they could not survive being ripped from their mother’s womb My constitutional rights, my health care, nor the life of my unborn children had any value in this man’s eyes.I had no way of knowing that I would suffer for the rest of my life from emotional, mental, and physical problems as a direct result of this man’s assault on my life and the life of my unborn children.
For approximately two years following the abortion I had to be treated for chronic infections that I was told were bladder infections. I have had more than one near death experience from complications directly related to the abortion and I’ve had to undergo several surgeries to repair damages that resulted from the abortion: perforated uterus, hysterectomy, colon surgery and breast cancer just to name a few.
I have been diagnosed, treated and misdiagnosed with everything from garden variety depression to bipolar disorder, PTSD, and brain tumors. I have suffered from nearly every symptom of Post Abortion Trauma, but I never heard that term until I connected with the Pro-Life Community in 2007.
My husband and I left the doctor’s office that day not realizing that a part of us had also died. Every part of my being was screaming that this doctor had killed my baby, but my husband thought no harm had been done because the pregnancy wasn’t planned. I now know that he didn’t understand what was happening that day any more that I did… but he understood the dangers of insulting a military officer who was his superior. He was a loyal enlisted military man. He wasn’t about to do anything that would jeopardize his only means of supporting his young family.
What was I supposed to do? What if he and the doctor were right? I certainly didn’t want to disgrace my husband or get him into trouble. I left the hospital quietly and I would remain silent for almost 4 decades about the death of my babies. I went on with my life and tried to suppress all memory of something that I thought I could do nothing about.
By the time I had overcome my injuries enough to break my silence I was isolated and estranged from everyone I had ever loved including my two beautiful daughters. I harbored a deep resentment and anger toward my husband that I did not know how to express. Blaming him for my pain helped me to remain in denial. Over the years my unresolved and misdirected anger would become a very destructive force in my life. For the remainder of our marriage we never again spoke of what happened in that clinic. Within six years of the abortion our marriage was over. By the end of those six years everything that I had ever felt for my husband was as dead as our babies. The only man I had ever loved became an object of contempt in my site.
I went from only wanting to be a good wife and a good mother to not knowing what I wanted. I wasn’t happy with anything or anyone, especially myself. On that day my husband lost two of his children and his wife. My daughters were deprived of twin siblings, and they lost the most important part of their mother. On that day, my heart began to turn to stone. My life is scattered with the shattered remains of every intimate relationship that I have attempted to be involved in since 1971.
In 2002, the foundations of my life began to crumble once again. I began to ask God to reveal His truth to me. I needed the truth that would set me free from this death grip on my life. The suppressed anger and un-forgiveness was consuming my life. Everything good in my life was being aborted and I felt absolutely helpless to do anything about it! I began to ask Him to change my heart and help me to forgive others as I wanted to be forgiven. I determined that I would renew my mind everyday with the word of God. I would offer my pray to Him in the morning and thank Him every night when I lay down to sleep. At that point my faith was very weak. I feared that I may have used up all my chances with God. I didn’t have the will power to take my own life, but I begged God to take it from me. I did not want to go on living with this pain and I didn’t believe my life mattered to another human being on earth.
I know that I am alive today not because of my faithfulness to Him, but rather His faithfulness to me. God alone has given me the courage and stamina to keep living, even in the face of what appeared to me at the time to be insurmountable circumstances.
In 2007 I began to search on line for help with my abortion issues. I became involved with a pro-life ministry called 40 Days for Life. I thought I could do this at home where it would be safe. I had no plans of ever going public with my story and certainly not praying in public, but God had other plans for me. Things began to happen very quickly after my first 40 day prayer vigil.
As God began to change my heart, my mental and physical health began to improve. Through my connection with 40DaysforLife I was led to other abortion healing ministries and eventually I was inspired to create my own Arms of Grace, Abortion Recovery Ministry on line. God continues to heal my hurt and peal away the layers of pain in my life. In this the last year He has begun to slowly heal my family relationships. I have not been allotted enough time to mention all the names of the people and organizations that God has used to help bring me to this point today. I don’t expect to ever know all those names until I am finally at home with Christ in heaven. Becoming involved with the pro-life community has given me a greater understanding of the true meaning of “the Body of Christ” and the extremes that God will go to in order to protect one of His own.
I can not say enough wonderful things about those in the pro-life community that have been there for me. Thank You, to all of you that have remained faithful in praying year after year for these unborn children and their mothers who are in danger from abortion. I especially want to thank you for your love and compassion for post-abortive women. We do not always see what God is doing as a result of our prayers.
Be encouraged today and know beyond any doubt that your prayers are making a have difference. You have made a difference in my life. God has used you to help me find the truth of the miracle of life, and where I fit into His plan.
Abortion is not health care! Abortion is population control! Abortion is genocide! Abortion is murder!
We must stop being a silent partner in crime with the abortion industry. We must stop funding this holocaust with our tax dollars.